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((The screen engulfs in fire burning quickly and leaving behind the burn remains of the blue HWC logo followed by the word "Brutality being spray painted over it. The image fades as the voice of Popa Roach is heard saying, "Cut my life into peices. This is my last resort!" Popa Roach is seen playing in the WarZone ring surrounded by large monitors showing different clips of each HWC Wrestler. The camera pans around as one shows Tiger diving off the ladder after B.D. Another shows Zac K. stands over the broken bodies of Bull and Nothing holding a decimated metal crutch. The camera spins back to the ring showing Popa Roach jumping around the ring before the camera roating around now showing Celtic Hyena with his back to the crowd standing at the top of the ramp way, as he puts his right hand in the air. It is followed by the clip of Maximus sets fire to Creepers body. Blackness engulfs everything as the music plays on. Each one of the HWC's wrestlers comes into view surrounded by shadows starting with Jericho and ending with Lucien. The mouth the whispering words, "I.... can't.... go..... on..... living.... thing.... way." But it is Popa Roach's voice heard and not the wrestlers. As the song comes to an end clips of A monk beating Creeper and Jericho with a baseball bat before revealing it to be Sephiroth. And ening with Blood Dragon powerbombing Panthro threw a chair between two plate glass windows.))
((The camera pans backstage, catching various superstars in assorted costumes, ranging from simple to very ornate. It catches someone dressed as Nefertiti, someone dressed as Rocky from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and even one person dressed as the Black Knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail! One person is dressed up as Wolverine, complete with his adamantium claws. It's just an example of the things the people of the HWC will do to entertain the fans... A familiar pair of eyes peer out from under an executioner's hood, making people wonder who's who back there. Then everyone in the room gathers in a group to face the camera.))
Superstars: HAPPY HALLOWEEN, EVERYBODY!
Standard Match
Maximus Octavius vs Ryan "The Rough Ryder" Mavrick
David: Welcome to the return of WarZone, folks... I'm David Tanjic, and my partner for tonight is, as always...
Travis: Travis Best! I can't get over the match we're starting off with tonight... Ryan Mavrick and Maximus Octavius!
David: At the very beginning of the show, we got a glimpse of what appeared to be a Halloween party. And one of the wrestlers in the back was dressed as the Black Knight from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"!
Travis: I wonder who it could be.
David: Me too, Travis. But while we were paying attention to the party backstage, one of the competitors came to the ring.
Jean Fortello: The following contest is set for one fall. Currently in the ring... MAXIMUS OCTAVIUS!
((The fans give him a mixed reaction at best. He shrugs his shoulders, looking none the worse for wear after what he went through on Slaughter at the hands of Jericho Dylan and The Creeper.))
Jean Fortello: And his opponent... RYAN "THE ROUGH RYDER" MAVRICK!
(("Cowboy Hat" begins to play over the PA system as "The Rough Ryder" makes his way out on the stage. The fans begin cheering this jobber for his morals and reporting what he saw at Riot to the authorities. He waves to the crowd and stops to give one lucky lady his cowboy hat. She screams with delight as he climbs the steps. Once he's in the ring, the bell sounds and Maximus charges him, catching him with a thunderous clothesline. Ryan goes down hard, but he gets right back up and hits Maximus with a standing dropkick. Maximus bounces off the ropes and turns it into a forearm to the face. Ryan staggers backward into the ropes. He grabs them to catch his breath.))
David: I never thought Maximus was this athletic. Isn't he Cleo's manager?
Travis: Yes, he is. But he used to be a wrestler here. He went by the name of The Crusader.
David: Ah, now I know where I've seen him before. Thanks for the reminder.
Travis: You're welcome. And since we seem to be having a Halloween party in the back, I thought I'd take this opportunity to remind our younger viewers to Be Safe this Halloween. When you're Trick-or-Treating, go in groups, wear costumes you can't trip over, and never zig-zag when you go from house to house. If you go with an adult, they'll take you down one side of the street, then the other. And they know which houses to go to and which ones to stay away from.
David: Those are good tips, Travis. And if you wear a costume with a mask, make sure the eyeholes are big enough to see out of. If you can't widen them, use face paint. If you're allergic to face paint, then don't put anything on your face. The costume itself will identify you to the adults handing out candy.
Travis: Speaking of candy, when you're done Trick-or-Treating, let your parents check your candy to make sure it's all safe to eat. Never eat candy that isn't wrapped or in a Ziploc bag unless it's been checked by an adult to make sure it's okay. And don't eat too much candy before bedtime. You don't want to get a stomachache. And it's always a good idea to put the candy in a safe place so it doesn't get pilfered by your siblings if you have them.
David: Speaking from experience?
Travis: Yup. My sisters always took my candy on me because they ate all theirs before bed. I finally got smart and asked my mother to hide it from them. One year, my father hid the candy and it melted all over the furnace downstairs.
David: Ew! Makes me glad I was an only child.
((Travis grins and offers David some candy while Maximus stalks Ryan and hits him with an open right hand to the face. Ryan retaliates with a clothesline. Maximus hums under his breath and nails Ryan with a scoop slam that leaves the hapless Texan lying flat on his back. Maximus grins and scales the ropes, perching on the top turnbuckle. Ryan staggers to his feet and gets caught with a missile dropkick. Maximus lifts him up and executes a flawless running powerslam.))
David: What an impact!
Travis: No kidding!
((Maximus goes for the cover. 1... 2... Ryan barely kicks out. Maximus laughs and says something that makes Ryan smile, then he lifts him up for another scoop slam. Maximus looks around and lifts one hand high into the air. He's holding it in the shape of an F... The fans go absolutely insane when they see that. They've seen that gesture before!))
Travis: Wait a minute, he's not - ! p> David: He's not what?
Travis: It looks like he's going for an F5! That's Peter's move!
((Maximus swings Ryan around his shoulders, then hits a flawless F5, for Peter. He goes for a cover, which is academic. 1... 2... 3! The bell rings as "Forever isn't Long Enough" begins to play over the PA.))
Jean Fortello: Here is your winner... MAXIMUS OCTAVIUS!
((Cleo's music continues to play, but she doesn't come out. Maximus slowly walks backstage after checking on Ryan to make sure he was all right. The referee helps Ryan backstage, emptying the ring in preparation for the next match. The camera goes backstage to see if the party is still going on. It's in full swing... And there's that Black Knight again! He's talking to Nefertiti and the executioner. Wolverine is standing by the punch bowl, claws hanging from his wrists so he can drink his punch. Someone dressed as the Grim Reaper comes into view, the one red wristband on his wrist identifying him as Blood Dragon. He didn't mean to be identified... But mistakes do get made. Nobody says anything to let him know they know who he is... The executioner steps over and tugs down the Reaper's sleeve to hide the wristband.))
David: That looks like a fun party.
Travis: Sure does. Too bad we can't join in.
David: I know, I know. Fans, we'll be back with Celtic Hyena facing off against Klaus von Hammer.
Travis: So stick around!
Standard Match
Celtic Hyena vs Klaus von Hammer
David: It sure feels good to be back on WarZone, eh, Travis?
Travis: Sure does! And we are in for a real treat... Two men from across the Atlantic Ocean locking horns in the ring.
David: Yeah. Celtic Hyena and Klaus von Hammer. One from Ireland and one from Germany.
Travis: Big Irish and the German Hammer.
David: I don't think Klaus has ever been called that before, Travis.
Travis: So what? It fits.
David: Come to think of it, it does at that! And tonight's main event is a special one... The HWC Tag Team Titles are on the line as Jarred and Jericho Dylan defend against Bad News!
Travis: Two top teams colliding in the ring tonight. I just hope that weasel Austin Pierremont doesn't decide to cause trouble for the Dylans. After what he said about Louisiana, he deserved what he got.
David: That he did, Travis. You don't badmouth a man's home state when you're in his home town... Much less when he's in the arena!
Travis: I never liked him anyway... Tuesday night was the topper!
David: That's true.
Jean Fortello: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first... From Limerick, Ireland... Representing Bad News... CELTIC HYENA!
((The arena darkens giving away to a strobe light effect with the start of Somewhere I Belong. On the tron clips of Celtic in training are shown. Just as the music starts to get hard Celtic steps out with Maggie at his side. He takes a moment to stand there and stare hard at his opponet. Before he continues on, Celtic shadow boxes for a moment throwing some mean punches. The strobe light effect gives away to a spot light that follows Celtic and Maggie all the way to the ring.))
Jean Fortello: And his opponent... From Bonne, Germany... He is one half of Die Zerstorer... KLAUS VON HAMMER!
((Seek & Destroy plays on the PA,with white strobes flashing in the entrance way. As the main body of the song kicks in, there is a blast of pyro, and Klaus steps out, with his arms folded, looking around at the fans, then power walks to the ring. He rolls in underneath the bottom rope, climbs to the second turnbuckle, and flashes the "crossed hammers" at the fans, then does the same at the opposite corner.))
David: These guys are absolutely amazing...
Travis: That they are. Let's see what they can do to each other!
((The bell rings after Maggie's safely out of the ring and Celtic shoves his boot right into Klaus's face. Klaus goes reeling and gets chased into the ropes. Celtic whips Klaus into the far ropes and catches him with a thunderous clothesline. Klaus hits the mat with a THUMP! that makes the crowd go "OOH!". Celtic lifts him up and grins, then hits him with a DDT. He goes for a cover. 1... 2... Klaus barely kicks out. Celtic gets up and watches from the corner, crouched down with his hands on his legs. Klaus gets up and connects with a flying cross body that sends Celtic back into the corner.))
Travis: Big Irish is in serious trouble...
David: That can't be good!
((But Celtic shoves Klaus backward and clamps his hand around Klaus's throat. He lifts him up and slams him down with a thunderous chokeslam. Klaus rolls onto his stomach to avoid a pin, showing his ring knowledge. Celtic shrugs and goes to lift him up, not seeing four shadowy figures come pelting down to the ring. Celtic and Klaus are so involved in getting the upper hand that they don't see them come into the ring.))
Travis: Who the hell are those guys?
David: I have no idea! But this doesn't look good for Celtic and Klaus!
((Truer words were never spoken... They start pummeling both men at the same time, causing the match to be thrown out. Whoever they are, they seem to be focusing on Klaus and ignoring Celtic. Celtic gets up and sees his erstwhile opponent being manhandled. So he goes for the nearest one and hauls backward on the hood, revealing...))
David: TANK THE DWARF?
((Further tugs reveal Mystic J, The Lurker and The Cushion. But they don't stop pounding on Klaus... So Celtic hits Lurker with a big boot to the back of the head. That gets their attention! The four of them turn their attention to Big Irish, not caring who they beat the hell out of. The boos suddenly turn to cheers as the rest of Bad News runs to the ring and take care of business. The hapless jobbers tumble out of the ring and back up the ramp, only to come in contact with people on the ramp. They turn around to see...))
Travis: IT'S THE DYLANS!
Davis: And one of them has a microphone!
((Jericho glares at them as he brings the mic up to his lips.))
Jericho: You guys think you're so tough in a 4-on-1 scenario? You crossed a line on Slaughter when you attacked Peter Blankenship after he dealt with Air Raid. YOU PUT HIM IN THE HOSPITAL! MY BEST FRIEND!
((Jarred takes the microphone from his big brother.))
Jarred: He's upset. And understandably so. I have a little proposition for you guys... The four of you against four men from the regular HWC roster.
((The jobbers nod eagerly, thinking they're going to have a walk in the park. Then Daemon takes the microphone.))
Daemon: He wasn't finished yet. But seeing as how I'm the one who nailed that asshole Austin Pierremont with a chair on Slaughter, I'll finish it for him. You see, it's going to be an eight man tag. Against the New Darkside. And I have four words to describe the type of match it's going to be...
((He gives the crowd a sadistic grin before continuing.))
Daemon: HELL IN A CELL!
David: Oh, my GOD!
Travis: I am in shock.
David: So are the jobbers!
((The jobbers are staring at Daemon in total shock. Celtic helps Klaus to his feet and Maggie holds the ropes for them. Even though they're not friends, Celtic is showing he's a good sport. Klaus can barely walk... The seven of them walk to the back, leaving a shocked quartet of jobbers in their wake.))
David: Fans, if you're just joining us, you missed a hellacious announcement. Daemon DeLioncourt has just announced that the jobbers will face the New Darkside in a Hell in a Cell match.
Travis: This is unbelievable. I can't believe Cherisse Novak would let him do this!
David: I wonder where she's been. She wasn't at Slaughter on Tuesday...
((The HWC-Tron suddenly reveals a close-up of Cherisse Novak herself! The fans erupt in a tumult of cheers for their beloved Commissioner.))
Cherisse: Thank you. Now I wasn't at Slaughter on Tuesday, but I couldn't help that. There was a horrific accident on the Interstate and I got stuck in a hotel off the Vegas strip. Ryan Mavrick's contract was torn up this morning by parties unknown. So I'm sorry to say Ryan won't be put on the regular roster. But neither will any of the other jobbers. EVER! What they did to the Assistant Commissioner and his family was uncalled for! They're lucky I don't fire them. But we need them... We need them to fill time slots when the regular roster isn't available! That's right... If there aren't enough superstars to fill WarZone match slots, it's going to be the jobbers! Consider this payback for what you did to Peter on Tuesday. Oh, and Daemon? That match will happen at the November Pay Per View. We'll give those no-account slobs time to think about what they're getting into. And now, back to your regularly scheduled WarZone.
((The HWC-Tron goes black, leaving the WarZone symbol on screen. The fans cheer raucously, loving the thought of the jobbers getting what they deserve.))
David: Folks, we'll be right back after this...
Travis: Don't go anywhere or you'll miss something good.
((The camera pans the backstage area one more time before the night is over, hoping to catch the costumed wrestlers unmasking. What it finds is a party that's just ending. The wrestlers are the ones cleaning up the mess...))
David: Now that's what I call a helping hand. They're cleaning up so the cleaning staff doesn't have to!
Travis: What a roster we have, David... I don't always admit it, but they all have my respect.
David: Mine too. Oh, wait, there's Nefertiti!
((Nefertiti lifts off her headdress, revealing long black hair with white markings in it. Then she removes the mask she's wearing and turns to the camera.))
David: IT'S SARAFAN!
Travis: Wow! She looks great!
David: And there's Wolverine.
((Wolverine lifts off his mask, exposing his identity to the world.))
Travis: And there's Johnny Cho!
David: But who's the executioner? And the Black Knight?
Travis: We're about to find out... The executioner is about to remove his hood!
((The executioner puts his axe in the corner and removes the hood to reveal...))
David: *laughing behind his hand* And there's Jeff Wylde!
Travis: Who's the Black Knight? Come on, show us who you are.
((The Black Knight goes to remove his helmet, but it's stuck. A hand reaches out and undoes a latch, then the Black Knight tries again. This time, it comes off.))
David: It's B.D.!
Travis: Well, I'll be jiggered. Is that all of them?
David: Not quite... I see two more.
((The Grim Reaper throws back his hood to confirm everyone's suspicions.))
Travis: It IS Blood Dragon!
((One more costumed wrestler moves into camera range, showing a disguise of the Joker.))
David: I wonder who that is.
Travis: I'm not sure, but I have a pretty good idea...
David: Who do you think it is?
Travis: It could be Harley.
David: Wait, here comes the mask!
((The Joker lifts off the mask to reveal their identity to the world...))
David: It IS Harley! Travis, you were right!
Travis: YES! There IS a God! We got to see more of Sarafan's skin than ever before, and she is HOT!
David: *laughing* She's also getting married soon. To Johnny Cho.
Travis: Johnny is one lucky guy, David...
David: That he is.
((The unmasked wrestlers gather into a group in front of the camera. Sarafan, still in her Nefertiti costume, is smiling broadly at the camera.))
Sarafan: I know we said this before, but it's worth repeating.
Jeff Wylde: On behalf of everyone at the HWC, we want to wish everyone a Happy Halloween. Be smart, be safe.
Harley: Don't eat any open candy, stay in groups and stay away from dark houses.
Johnny: Always listen to an adult when it comes to the candy you collect. But perhaps most importantly...
Superstars: HAVE FUN!
David: This has been an absolute blast here tonight! We hope everyone has fun Trick-or-Treating.
Travis: And to those of us who are of the Wiccan and Pagan religions... I want to wish you all a Happy Samhain.
David: Wow, Travis... You said that without a trace of sarcasm.
Travis: Working with people of such diverse cultures is finally rubbing off on me. I'm going to start showing them as much respect as they deserve. Finding a place in a society like this isn't easy. But they've done it. And to them, I say "Good for you!".
David: Amen, Travis... A-freaking-men!
Main Event
Tag Team Title Match
Jarred and Jericho (c) vs Bad News
David: Well, now we have a tag team title match between the reigning champs, the Dylans, and Bad News.
Travis: Wait. Who are you?
David: Travis, it hasn’t been that long. I’m still David Tanjic.
Travis: Oh yeah. I didn’t forget, I just didn’t care. Shut up and watch how a real commentator does things.
Jean Fortello: The following match is set for one fall, and is for the HWC Tag Team Titles. Introducing first, they are the reigning HWC Tag Team Champions, from New Orleans, Louisiana, weighing in at a combined weight of 450 lbs, representing the New Darkside, the team of Jericho and Jarred. . . THE DYLANS!!!
((A remix of “Slave to the Grind” and “Never Gonna Stop” plays as the Dylans appear from the backstage area, rushing to the ring, sliding under the bottom rope, and handing off the tag titles, then waiting.))
David: Well, after what these two men did on Slaughter, I would have to wonder if they’re focused on this match.
Travis: Okay, you be quiet. You make us look stupid.
David: Oh, like the fact that you drool over every woman that comes out here doesn’t make us look bad?
Travis: Shut up!
Jean Fortello: And their opponents, from New York City, and Chicago, Illinois, respectively, weighing in at a combined weight of 590 lbs, representing Bad News, DRAVEN MASTERS AND THE ENFORCER!!!
(("Click Click Boom" hits, but instead of playing up to the pyro and the usual entrance of Bad News, Draven Masters walks out with the DisasterPiece title slung over one shoulder. He has a mic in hand.))
Draven: Cut the music. (Music fades out) Now I know you're wondering what's going on here. Right?
((Jericho nods, Jarred looks around as if expecting a sneak attack.))
Draven: Relax, Jarred, if we were gonna jump you we would have done it already. I have an important announcement to make before this match starts, well actually the Enforcer does. Roll the tape please!
((He points to the Tron and it kicks to life with an image of the Enforcer.))
Enforcer: Is that thing rolling?
Draven (off camera): Yeah.
Enforcer (into camera): Okay then. First off, hello to all my fans. (Crowd pops, the Enforcer pauses a moment as if knowing that would get a good reaction from the fans) Second I'd like to apologize to them and to the Dylans. Hell I'd like to apologize to everyone for what I'm about to say. But a very important family issue has come up and I have to leave the HWC. Permanently.
David and Travis: WHAT?
((Crowd groans.))
Enforcer: Yeah, I know no one is happy with this, and believe me, if this wasn't a family issue I wouldn't be doing it. But family comes first, I think Jericho and Jarred can understand the importance of family, and I have to...take my place in the family business. Unfortunately, this will take up practically all of my time and it will be literally impossible for me to split my time evenly between the HWC and my new job. So in other words I'm tendering my resignation to the HWC.
((Another groan from the crowd.))
Enforcer: I know, this really sucks, but I have no choice. Believe me, if I could I'd love to stay and keep busting heads, but this takes priority. I leave Bad News in the very capable hands of Draven Masters. To everyone in the HWC, from Autumn Lewis to the boys and girls in the back, to Eddie Daniels, David Tanjic, and to a lesser degree Travis Best, I say goodbye. It's been a blast and I'll have memories to last me a lifetime. I'll be checking in on you guys every now and then, so keep up the good work. I'll miss working with you, and I'll miss working for the fans.
((The Enforcer pauses again anticipating the standing ovation from the fans that he now gets.))
Enforcer: And Jericho and Jarred, Draven and I have already selected his new partner. And here he is...
((The entire arena goes black as does the Tron. "Let the bodies hit the floor" flashes on the screen in time to the song "Bodies" from Drowning Pool, when the opening of the song gets to the line, "Let the bodies hit the FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!", a huge blast of pyro goes off and Jeff Wylde steps out from behind the curtain along with the HWC's resident Hellcat Amy Jensen thrashing in time to the beat.))
David: It's Jeff Wylde! Jeff Wylde is taking the Enforcer's place as Draven Masters tag-team partner!
Travis: And Amy's with him! My beautiful Amy!
David: You forget what happened last time you talked about Amy like that?
Travis: ...
David: I thought so.
((Jeff, Intercontinental title and all walks down to the bottom of the ramp where Draven had moved during the playing of the Enforcer's farewell tape and the two side in the ring handing their title belts to Amy who's jogged down to ringside. They trade high fives and then talk over strategy at the last second and decide who's going to start as the Dylans do the same on the opposite side of the ring. Jericho and Draven start off in the ring, the two men locking up, Jericho quickly locking Draven in a side headlock, which Draven counters with a backdrop, dropping Jericho hard on the back of his head. Jericho rolls away, Draven getting to his feet, and grabbing Jericho, hauling Jericho to his feet, then going for a suplex, only to have Jericho slide through, landing behind Draven, hitting a quick Reverse DDT, then getting to his feet, and running to the ropes. Rebounding off of the ropes, Jericho jumps, catching Draven with a hurracanrana, only to have Draven reverse the move into a sitdown powerbomb in midair. Jericho recoils, rolling away, sliding outside the ring.))
David: Jericho seems to have forgotten that he gives up a number of pounds in muscle to Draven.
Travis: They probably tired themselves out trying to chase the VP on Slaughter.
((Outside the ring, Amy jumps from the top of the steel steps, hitting a hurracanrana to Jericho, sending Jericho back-first into the steel steps. The speed Jericho was moving at sends Jericho tumbling over the steps, to the other side, landing in a heap. Amy grabs Jericho, sending him into the ring, Draven hooking Jericho’s leg. 1. . . 2. . . kickout. Jericho gets to his feet, holding his back. Draven gets to his feet, kicking Jericho in the stomach, then attempting a double-arm backbreaker, only to get hit with a head scissors to counter the move, sending Draven to the other side of the ring. Jericho gets to his feet, charging at Draven, jumping up, as for a hurracanrana, just to drop into a DDT. Jericho gets to his feet, Draven up at about the same time. Jericho moves forward, grabbing Draven in a standing side headlock, then jumping up, moving across Draven’s chest, dropping in a falling reverse DDT, before moving to his corner, and tagging in Jarred. Jarred runs along the apron, standing outside the ring, waiting for Draven to get to his feet. As Draven does, Jarred handsprings over the top rope, flipping forward twice, then hitting a DDT to Draven.))
David: The Dylans, you have to think, have more experience as a tag team than Draven and Jeff do. They’ve managed to isolate Draven in their corner.
Travis: That’s not experience, you moron. That’s intelligence.
((Draven gets to his feet, Jarred stepping back, going for a monkeyflip, Draven catching Jarred, tossing him into the air and falling into a ¾ turn neckbreaker, crawling over to his corner, and tagging Jeff in. Jeff comes into the ring, catching Jarred as he rises with a snap powerbomb. Jarred, without the sore back from being dropped into a set of steel steps, gets up relatively quickly, grabbing Jeff, hitting a quick DDT, then rolling over, and coming up standing again, moving Jeff toward their corner, tagging in Jericho, Jarred then lifting Jeff for a powerbomb. As Jeff begins to fall, Jericho jumps off the turnbuckle, dropping a leg across Jeff’s throat, Jarred landing in a sitdown powerbomb. Jericho goes for the pin, Jarred shooting across the ring, catching Draven with a dropkick as he attempts to come into the ring, sending Draven outside the ring again. Draven is up almost immediately. 1. . . .2 . . .3!!! Draven gets in the ring to break up the pin a second too late.))
David: Well, the champs are still the champs. But, I’ve still got to wonder where Kidd Rock has been for the past week? He disappeared with Jarred, at Riot, but Jarred’s here, so, where’s Kidd?
Travis: Who cares? One less pompous fool.
((The HWC-tron flips on, showing Kidd Rock sitting in an unidentified place, at least until, in the corner, a small box appears, reading: LIVE, from Naples, Italy. Kidd Rock is apparently, presently engaged in a pizza eating contest, surrounded by a number of Italian people. Winning the contest, Kidd stands, and walks from the ring of people, to a good looking woman, apparently Rayven, Kidd wrapping his arm around her shoulders, then looking over his shoulder, at the camera, giving the camera a thumbs up.))
David: Okay, apparently Kidd took a week off.
Travis: Did you see the backside on that woman?! WOW!
David: And, on that eloquent note, we’ll see you next week, ladies and gentlemen. I’m David Tanjic, and the moron next to me is Travis Best.
Travis: Hey, jerkoff, I’m not a moron!
David: Okay, the retard next to me is Travis Best.