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((The blue HWC logo fades in the out as It's Going Down starts to play The Tiger is show riding in the parking lot on her bike then Ace nearly running over Creeper. The stage and HWC-Tron are show as blue pyro works go off, the new Slaughter logo flashes for a few moments before showing Obake dressed to fight walking to ring to Chloe standing in the ring holding the Women's title up. Then onto Bulldozer choke slaming Ace-Man then Blood Dragon coming out and throwing Lumberjack threw the stage logo. The Slaughter logo comes up and flashes again this time spinning and flipping. It changes to the Finest besting up Smalls and Draven in his office to Amy and Jeff beating on each other then kissing. It ends showing profiles of Seph and Soth, Amy, Rave and Enforcer. The Slaughter logo is showen one last time before fadeing out completely.))
Eddie: Welcome, everyone, to the last Slaughter before Christmas Chaos! We are LIVE from the sold-out MetraPark in Billings, Montana! I'm Eddie Daniels and with me as always is...
Travis: Travis Best! And when you talk about Christmas Chaos, you're talking about the biggest Pay Per View in HWC history!
Eddie: You bet! We'll find out the finalized line-up for that spectacular show later on. But right now, let's get started with the action!
Standard Match
"Sick" Rick James vs Bull
Eddie: First off, ladies and gentlemen, we have a match between two young men with the same record.
Travis: Look at that. Losers can reproduce.
Eddie: In a bad mood today?
Travis: I was, and this crappy-ass match isn’t going to help.
Jean Fortello: The following match is set for one fall. Introducing first, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 212 lbs... “SICK” RICK JAMES!!!
((Andrew WK's "Party Hard" comes over the PA system, as the Sick one, Rick James makes his way through the curtain and sprints to the ring. He slides under the bottom rope, and into the center of the ring. He stares wild eyed at the crowd... awaiting his opponent.))
Eddie: Well, Rick apparently thinks he’s the bearer of some sort of inexplicable disease.
Travis: Yeah. It’s called being the king of the losers.
Eddie: I would have figured you’d like Rick.
Travis: I would, but the kid hasn’t even shown that he knows how to tie his shoes in the ring.
Jean Fortello: And his opponent, from Bendigo, Australia, weighing in at 300 lbs, being accompanied to the ring by Natasha... BULL!!
((Hero of the day hits over the Pa system and the lights go out as strobe lights hit all over the arena and then Bull walks out a point to the sky and smiles when he looks back to the floor and begins to walk towards the ring and jumps up onto the ring apron and leap frogs over the top rope and lands in the ring where he steps and walks over to the top rope and points to the sky again. Bull turns, getting caught by a clothesline, the lights above flickering slightly. Bull gets to his feet, taking a DDT, the lights flickering again, then, abruptly, flipping off completely.))
Eddie: What the-?
Travis: That damn VP, Austin, forgot to pay the light bill.
Eddie: I doubt that.
((Two cracks break the silence that falls over the arena, followed by a loud, sickening crunch, and a loud yelp. A few moments pass, then another thud is heard, followed by another crunch, before the lights come back on, revealing both Rick and Bull unconscious on the ground, both of them sporting a number of thick bruises already, but Bull’s feet are visibly broken.))
Eddie: What the hell?! Someone get some medical personnel out here! Who’s responsible for this?!
Travis: It’s gotta be one of those weirdo darkness people.
((Bull is taken from the ring on a gurney, as is Rick, neither man appearing anywhere near conscious.))
(Two men are standing in a locker room.)
First man: Are you sure we should be doing this?
Second man: Of course. What could possibly go wrong?
First man: I don't know. This isn't what I had in mind.
(The door opens and Autumn Lewis sticks her head in.)
Autumn: You boys ready?
(They nod.)
Autumn: Come and get em girls!
(She throws the door open and Tiger and Harley charge into the room grabbing the men and are seen applying various painful wrestling holds on them. The men grunt and groan and Autumn and Martin Smalls are standing in the doorway laughing and drinking Mountain Dew Code Reds.)
Announcer: No cheap dates. Mountain Dew Code Red. Live by the code.
(Cut to a shot of Tiger with the Crossface on one of the men and him tapping out on the floor.)
Announcer: Now for a limited time, on specially marked bottles of Moutain Dew Code Red, you could instantly win tickets to a free HWC event and meet your favorite wrestler. Check the cap to see if you're an instant winner, or win hundreds of other prizes including HWC merchandise.
Standard Match
Cleo vs Celtic Hyena
Eddie: Well, after that odd end to the first match, we now have a match between Celtic Hyena and Cleopatra.
Travis: ALRIGHT! It’s about time that my goddess returned to the ring!
Eddie: Keep it in your pants, Travis.
Travis: I didn’t plan to take it out! You’re weird sometimes, Eddie.
Jean Fortello: The following match is set for one fall. Introducing first, from Limerick, Ireland, weighing in at 335 lbs, representing Bad News. . . CELTIC HYENA!!!!
((The arena darkens giving away to a strobe light effect with the start of Somewhere I Belong. On the tron clips of Celtic in training are shown. Just as the music starts to get hard Celtic steps. He takes a moment to stand there and stare hard at his opponent. Before he continues on, Celtic shadow boxes for a moment throwing some mean punches. The strobe light effect gives away to a spot light that follows Celtic all the way to the ring.))
Eddie: Celtic Hyena looking to get a victory over Cleo.
Travis: Won’t happen. Cleo is a goddess!
Eddie: We get that you have a thing for Cleo, and any other woman in the HWC. Now, let it drop.
Jean Fortello: And his opponent, from New York, New York, weighing in at 150 lbs, being accompanied to the ring by Max, representing the Old Darkside. . . CLEOPATRA!!!
((The arena goes dark as the words “Forever” are whispered across the speakers. Gold lights line the entrance ramp as four guys wearing the head of Anubis, Ma’at, Set and Osiris carrying a golden royal barge from Ancient Egypt. The figure laying in the middle of the barge is wearing a golden death mask with the golden flail in the right hand, and the scepter in the left. Max, dressed in a Roman Legionnaire outfit follows behind, as the barge makes it way to the ring. When they reach the ring he removes the large golden death mask revealing Cleo underneath. She opens her eyes, as the “Gods” bow to her, and Max helps her out of the barge, and to the ring. She hands the scepter and flail to Max and turns, catching a massive clothesline that sends her pinwheeling through the air, to crash, facefirst, into the mat. Celtic stomps on her a few times, before backing up.))
Eddie: Celtic seems ready for Cleo, here.
Travis: She’s playing dead!
Eddie: Sure she is, Travis.
((Cleo gets to her feet, rushing Celtic with a clothesline of her own, which Celtic easily turns into a samoan drop. Celtic hauls Cleo to her feet, slinging her toward the near ropes, then rushing her with another clothesline. Cleo ducks under it, then coming up, and catching Celtic with a dropkick, which sends him over the top rope, in front of Max. Cleo gets to her feet, jawing with the referee, as Max moves to Celtic, cracking him in the back of his head with the scepter, then picking Celtic up, and hitting a massive jackknife powerbomb to Celtic, the latter simply falling, rolling over his shoulders, and settling facedown, staying there. Max picks Celtic up, moving to toss Celtic into the ring. Before he can do so, however, an unidentified man hurdles the guardrail, grabbing the top of the set of steel steps, pulling them from the lower half, moving the lower half closer to Max, then grabbing the upper part, and, using the lower half as a jumping-off point, sending the steps crashing into the back of Max’s head.))
Eddie: A fan has, apparently, decided to intervene on Celtic’s behalf!
Travis: Who is that?!
Eddie: A fan! Duh!
Travis: I’ll kick your ass, Eddie.
Eddie: Oooh, I’m scared.
((Security gets to the fan, who proceeds to rush forward, and kick Max in the groin as he attempts to regain his vision on his hands and knees. Max is literally lifted up, and rolls over onto his back, where the obviously crazed fan moves to put a foot on Max’s throat, leaning heavily on it.))
Travis: I know who it is! It’s B.D.!
Eddie: I don’t think so. This person hasn’t laughed once yet.
Travis: Oh. Good point.
((The Creeper appears from the backstage area.))
Travis: Damn. There goes my next guess.
((The Creeper walks down to the ring, grabbing the fan, and pulling him off of Max. Meanwhile, in the ring, Cleo has pinned the presently unconscious Celtic Hyena. 1. . . 2. . . 3!!! The bell rings.))
Eddie: Cleo picked up a victory, here. But who is that?!
Travis: A friend of The Creeper’s. That’s gotta be it.
((The Creeper releases the fan, who proceeds to slide into the ring, and, as the celebrating Cleo turns, the fan hits Cleo with a picture perfect spear, straight from a three-point stance. The fan slides outside the ring, and grabs a mic, speaking in a particularly high-pitched voice.))
Fan: And next time, I won’t leave ye in one piece, ye old bitty!!
((The fan slides into the ring, moving to Celtic, helping him to stand, Celtic quickly rousing enough to look at the fan, then step back, making a face. The fan smiles, reaching to the base of his throat, and pulling forward, an apparent mask coming off in the process.))
Eddie: That’s Maggie! What the-? I thought she was pregnant?!
Travis: Either that, or she’s just gaining weight. But with a spear like that, I can see why the Irishman likes her so much.
((Celtic leaves the ring, trailed by Maggie, The Creeper walking behind them entirely, looking in the ring at the form of Cleo writing in pain, a dark smile playing at the corner of his lips.))
Eddie: Oddly enough, I’m now starting to think that this whole thing is enjoyable, for The Creeper.
Travis: They’re both sick. The Creeper, and his brother.
(Jericho Dylan walks into a sports memorabilia store and heads to the wrestling section. Several people stare in awe at him as he starts picking out some items with his image on them. Pictures, posters, action figures, etc. He walks up to the cashier.)
Cashier: A Jericho Dylan fan are we?
(She looks up at him.)
Cashier: Oh.
Jericho: Is it okay if I pay by check?
Cashier: Sure. I just need some ID.
(Jericho looks astounded.)
Jericho: Okay...(pulls out ID)
Cashier: Are you sure this is you? I have to call this in.
(Jericho rolls his eyes and waits drumming his fingers on the counter. The camera cuts to scenes of him nodding off, signing autographs, having his action figure fight with Tiger's, pacing, stretching.)
Jericho: How much longer is this gonna take?
Cashier: Just a minute.
Jericho: You said that two hours ago.
(More scenes of Jericho being bored, fighting a demon, watching HWC on TV.)
Eddie (from TV): And surprisingly Jericho Dylan is not here tonight!
SEVERAL HOURS LATER
Cashier: I'm sorry. Do you have another form of ID?
(Jericho looks exhausted and faints.)
Announcer: Next time use the Visa check card. It gets you in, out and on with life.
(The scene cuts to Harley Quinn with a bunch of her wrestling memorabilia.)
Harley: Can I write a check for this?
Hardcore Match
Jarred Dylan vs Lucien Merriuci
Eddie: Next up, ladies and gentlemen, a Hardcore match between Lucien and Jarred.
Travis: I wouldn’t want to be either of those guys.
Eddie: Why? Because they’re in a hardcore match?
Travis: No. Because they get laid less than I do.
Eddie: Har har.
Jean Fortello: The following match is a Hardcore match, set for one fall. Introducing first, from Prague, in the Czech Republic, weighing in at 275 lbs. . . LUCIEN MERIUCCI!!!
((The arena goes pitch black as "The Call of Ktulu starts. Lucien slowly methodically walks to the ring as the lights come up to a dim. Lucien stands on the outside piercing a hole through his opponent with his eyes (metaphorically speaking of course). The lights return to normal as Lucien steps into the ring.))
Eddie: Lucien, of late, has been on quite a roll.
Travis: Yeah. And he’s got Jarred tonight.
Eddie: Not an enviable position for him, that’s for sure.
Jean Fortello: And his opponent, from New Orleans, Louisiana, weighing in at 225 lbs, being accompanied to the ring by Eric Taylor, representing the New Darkside, he is one half of the HWC Tag Team champions. . . JARRED DYLAN!!!
((Thick clouds of white fog billow out and engulf the top of the ramp, hiding everything from view. The music plays softly, getting louder and louder until you hear "Well, I won't be the one left behind... You can't be king of the world if you're slave to the grind. Tear down the rat-racial slime... You can't be king of the world if you're slave to the grind!" The fog dies down, revealing two figures: Jarred Dylan and Eric Taylor. They walk down the ramp, slapping hands with the fans. Jarred slides under the bottom rope, Eric taking a place outside the ring with his arms crossed. Jarred quickly catches Lucien with a kick to the midsection, then hitting a Russian legsweep, before stepping back, going for a chair, under the ring. Jarred grabs the chair, coming back into the ring, only to have the chair grabbed from his hands by Celtic Hyena, who has, by now, bolted to the ring, and stands with the chair. Jarred looks at Celtic for a moment, Lucien kicking Jarred, and quickly transitioning into a flowing DDT.))
Eddie: Celtic out here, apparently assisting the man who was, once, his tag partner.
Travis: Just goes to show you. Nobody likes Jarred.
Eddie: He is married.
Travis: Exactly.
Eddie: I don’t understand your logic half the time.
((Lucien goes to grab the chair, Celtic resisting fiercely. Celtic says something to Lucien, then rips the chair out of Lucien’s hands, Lucien staggering backward a few feet, only to get rolled up with a schoolboy. 1. . . kickout. Lucien gets up, moving to kick Jarred in the face like a place kicker. Jarred rolls backward, away from Lucien’s foot, Lucien coming off of the mat, and then falling back onto his back and shoulders. Lucien gets up quickly, going to grab the chair from Celtic again, Celtic again yanking the chair out of Lucien’s hands, Jarred running at Lucien from behind with a clothesline. Lucien ducks, the clothesline crashing into the chair, which crashes into Celtic’s face, sending the chair and Celtic over the top rope. Lucien rolls Jarred up quickly, grabbing the top rope.))
Eddie: And that’s legal as well! It’s a Hardcore match!
Travis: Leave it to Lucien to fight smart.
Eddie: Smart? He’s cheating!!
Travis: Exactly. Smart.
((1. . . 2. . . the pin is broken up, but not by anything remotely normal. The pin is broken up by a chair cracking into Lucien’s knuckles. Lucien is kicked forward, into the chair, the chair wielding insane person sliding into the ring. B.D. waits, and, as Lucien gets to his feet, Jarred right behind him, B.D. swings the chair, B.D. holding two initially, the bloody one and the discarded chair from Celtic, now just holding the clean chair. Lucien ducks under the chairshot, the chairshot flooring Jarred. Lucien turns, only to get cracked in the head with the chair as B.D. turns. B.D. pulls Lucien to his feet, hitting Lucien with a Plague into the chair, then grabbing the bloody chair, looking to be setting Lucien up for a one-man Conchairto, only to swing at nothing, then dropping the chair, and tackling the air.))
Eddie: B.D.’s lost his last marble!
Travis: This is just good TV!
Eddie: This is insane!
Travis: Exactly!
((B.D. begins tearing, ripping, and pulling at what appears to be nothing, but, surprisingly, after a few moments, white feathers begin to swirl around in the air, followed by a line of blood shooting into the air. B.D. pauses to watch the fountain of blood, then resumes attacking nothing. A moment later, a feathered creature fades into sight, B.D. laughing maniacally, grabbing the bloody chair, picking up the feathered creature, and hitting a Chair Drive to the bloody creature, busting it wide open. B.D. laughs maniacally, slamming his right hand through the creature’s shirt, and, ostensibly, through the man’s stomach, his left hand going to the creature’s throat. B.D. rolls backward, standing on the ground, holding the apparently unconscious man in the air. B.D.’s arms visibly tense.))
Eddie: I have no idea who that man is, but, apparently, B.D. plans to rip him in half!
Travis: I told you he was crazy!
Eddie: We knew this!
((A beam of white light falls down onto B.D. from no visible source, B.D. pausing, to look up. Then, surprisingly, B.D. does a little dance, then jumps out of the ‘spotlight’. Jarred gets to his feet, moving to talk to B.D. B.D. tilts his head to the side, then, after a few moments, tosses the broken, bloody winged creature into the beam of light, where he is quickly reduced to motes of light, and then those motes of light, and the spotlight itself, disappear. B.D. leaves the ring, his bloody chair in hand, Jarred turning around, and getting nailed with an UnMaking into the discarded steel chair, quickly hooking Jarred’s legs. 1. . . .2. . . 3!!!))
Eddie: Lucien snuck one!
Travis: And here comes B.D., again!
((B.D. slides into the ring, brandishing the chair, then, his face twisting into an eerily haunting smile, B.D. stops to point at the bloodstains on the mat from where he was attacking the odd winged creature. Lucien looks, makes a face, then looks over either shoulder, his motions becoming frantic quickly. Lucien pulls a knife from his pocket, rushing into the ring, driving the knife toward B.D.’s heart. B.D. looks at Lucien for a moment as the knife sinks into his flesh, then kicking Lucien in the stomach, setting him up for the Plague, and swinging Lucien slightly, driving him into the chair again, before grabbing his bloody chair, and walking from the ring, the knife still in his skin, sticking out like a sore thumb.))
Eddie: Holy-?! B.D.’s not even registering the knife as existing!
Travis: B.D.’s too insane.
((The Creeper’s face appears on the HWC-Tron.))
Creeper: B.D., get back here! And stop playing around!
((B.D. pouts, grabbing the knife, and pulling it from his chest, before walking backstage.))
Eddie: Sometimes I wonder about him.
Travis: Just sometimes?! I always wonder about him. I’ve got to worry that he’ll climb out of my toilet, and bite my ears off, or something.
Eddie: Not like you use them often.
Travis: What?
Eddie: I rest my case. We’ll be back in a few minutes, fans.
(A man is walking down the street and he sees a massage parlor. He rubs his sore back and walks inside.)
Woman: Can I help you?
Man: My back is killing me!
Woman: Right this way.
(We cut to the man laying on a massage table facedown with a towel covering him from the waist down. A masseuse walks in showing a generous amount of cleavage.)
Masseuse: Just relax, sir.
(The man sees her and smiles laying his head down. The man suddenly opens his eyes and groans as his back cracks. We see Draven Masters working over the man's back with pounding blows while the masseuse massages his shoulders. The camera gets a closeup of Draven grinning as he continues to work over the man's back, as we hear the man grunting and groaning and the sound of his back cracking. Finally we see Draven walk away and pull a Snicker's Cruncher bar out of his pocket. He takes a bite and grins.)
Announcer: There's no crunch more satisfying than that of a Snicker's Cruncher.
(Behind Draven the man comes walking out bent over and groaning in pain. The masseuse comes up and gives him a Snicker's Cruncher too. He takes a bite and grins as he walks off.)
Announcer: Snicker's Cruncher. A satisfying crunch.
Main Event
Steel Cage Match
Kidd Rock vs B.D.
Eddie: It's Main Event time here on Slaughter! This is the last match before Christmas Chaos, and boy, are we in for a bloodbath!
Travis: Why do you keep saying that?
Eddie: Because it's a Steel Cage with Kidd Rock and B.D. inside it.
Travis: Woo-hoo! Bring on the blood!
Eddie: *laughing* I thought you'd say that!
((The steel cage hangs ominously above the ring, then slowly begins its descent. Lights flash and glint off the steel as it gets lowered to the ring. Gently so nothing gets broken, the cage settles into place, resting on the ring apron. The ring monkeys run around the sides of the cage, securing it to the ring posts.))
Jean Fortello: The following contest is a STEEL CAGE MATCH! The only way to win is to escape the cage either by going over the top or through the door. Introducing first... Representing the New Darkside... From The Second Tier of Hell, weighing in at 260 lbs... B.D.!
((As the music fades in, the lights fade, and the HWC-tron shows a very distinguished looking gentleman, in an elaborate study, his hands resting on his left knee, folded over his right. As the song proceeds, the man's voice cuts in. "Look, I know the supernatural is something that isn't supposed to happen, but it does happen." The HWC-tron then fades to black, and two large red dots appear on the Tron, only to flow down, and leave behind two letters made from the red liquid, in B.D. Smoke fills the entranceway and the ring, after a few seconds obscuring both, the lights come back up, the smoke flowing from the ring, showing B.D. waiting, in a low crouch, for the match to start. The cage around the ring makes him giggle a bit, then he settles down a bit.))
Jean Fortello: And his opponent... From Loiusville, KY... Weighing in at 230 lbs... KIDD ROCK!
((The lights dim as "Bahwidabah" starts on the PA. On the HWC Tron, scenes of a deserted wrestling arena, with a solitary figure standing in the center of the ring, then fades to a dim gym, with the same figure working out hard and heavy. When the song reaches the part that goes "My Name Is KIIIIIIIIIIID", the lights go out, and "My Name Is" flashes across the HWC Tron. Then, when the song bursts out with "KID ROCK!", a HUGE blast of pyro rocks the arena, and the lights flash around the arena in gold and white. Kidd Rock steps out, striding back and forth across the stage, pumping his fists at the fans, then strides down to the ring. He looks at the cage for a moment, then climbs in through the door. Once he's inside, the door clangs shut and the bell rings.))
Eddie: These guys have gone through a lot lately... B.D. in that Triple Threat Elimination Match last week and Kidd being, literally, handed a shot at Jericho Dylan's World title by The Creeper... You have to wonder if they're worried about Christmas Chaos, which is on Sunday.
Travis: I know Kidd is. But who can tell with B.D.?
Eddie: Good point.
Travis: I do get them on occasion.
((Eddie chuckles as Kidd charges B.D. with a running clothesline, determined to give him a sore throat. B.D. giggles and Kidd gets clocked in the mush for his trouble. Kidd stumbles backward to regroup. B.D. still finds something funny and continues to giggle. A flickering of the lights brings The Creeper to the cage, where he points to B.D. and speaks firmly, voice carrying to all corners of the arena.))
Creeper: This is no time for a giggle fest! You must focus!
B.D.: Why? It's so much fun to giggle!
Creeper: Don't make me call Lakshma down here!
((That sobers him up fast. B.D. stops giggling and a serious look contorts his face. Kidd turns and charges, hitting B.D. with a clothesline that makes him drop to one knee. The Creeper puts his hand over his face and shakes his head, signifying that the age-old query "Why me?" is making its way through his mind.))
Eddie: The Creeper is obviously disappointed in B.D.'s current lack of offensive skill here.
Travis: He seems to be asking himself "Why me?"... Why any of us, for that matter?
Eddie: That's an interesting philosophical point you have there, Travis. Could it have something to do with the fact that The Creeper's looking right at you?
Travis: Nope. He isn't even there any more. He's gone!
((Sure enough, The Creeper's gone! Where did he go? He's the only one who knows... And, obviously, he isn't telling. B.D. gets up and grins before slamming a fist into Kidd's stomach hard enough to double him over. Kidd drops after a vicious axe handle to the back, lying almost completely motionless on the mat. B.D. looks around, then giggles before heading for the side of the cage. Acting rather like a monkey, he begins to climb up the side.))
Eddie: Is it going to be over so soon?
Travis: Hell, no, Eddie! Look!
((What Travis is referring to is Kidd getting to his feet and chasing the bigger man up the side. With a vicious yank, he pulls B.D. down off the side of the cage. B.D. hits the mat hard enough to shake the ring. Kidd hangs by his fingers, then with a twist, hits B.D. with a mid-air Swanton!))
Eddie: WOW!
Travis: That's putting it mildly! Who knew Kidd could fly??
Eddie: He didn't! Look at the expression on his face!
((Kidd is in shock as he looks down at B.D. The replay shows him hitting a Swanton from the side of the cage only moments before his fingers would have lost their grip. He shakes his head, then goes up the side of the cage. Something from below keeps him from going any farther up... He looks back and sees, to his absolute shock, B.D. holding his ankle!))
Eddie: B.D. wasn't even fazed by falling off the side of the cage, then being hit with that Swanton!
Travis: Kidd looks like he's about ready to crap his pants!
Eddie: Gross as it seems, he does! But then, wouldn't you?
Travis: I'm beginning to think the only one who isn't surprised by anything around here is Jericho Dylan!
Eddie: There's a good reason for that... But you won't believe me, so I'm not going to tell you.
Travis: Spoilsport!
Eddie: You betcha. Now put that down before I waffle you with my clipboard!
((A soft thunk is heard as Travis puts down what appears to be a bottle of whiskey. Eddie laughs as he turns his attention back to the men in the cage. B.D. pulls Kidd back down by his ankle, the surgically repaired one, and swings him around like he's a baseball bat. He lets go and Kidd hits the side of the cage with a THWACK! that leaves the crowd gasping. Kidd pulls himself to his feet, blood pouring down the side of his face.))
Eddie: Dear God, Kidd's been busted wide open!
Travis: First blood! Yes!
Eddie: You're hopeless.
Travis: Shouldn't you be used to it by now?
Eddie: I should be, but I'm not.
((Travis sticks his tongue out at Eddie, only to get waffled by a clipboard to the side of the head. But the funny thing about that is... It wasn't Eddie! A laughing Melissa DeLioncourt waves cheekily before disappearing into the crowd. Security can't do a damn thing about her because she's family to two of the wrestlers. In a rare moment of lucidity, B.D. doesn't go for the way out... He grabs Kidd by the hair and slams his face repeatedly into the side of the cage.))
Eddie: He looks like he wants to skin Kidd alive!
Travis: Ew!
Voice: Not skin him alive... He's trying to weaken him in order to escape the cage without a fight.
((A strikingly beautiful woman climbs gracefully over the guardrail and sits between Eddie and Travis, putting on a headset. Eddie moves over so she has room to sit comfortably. Travis wisely fixes his gaze on the ring, watching B.D. finally let go of Kidd and go for the side of the cage.))
Eddie: Ladies and gentlemen, we've been joined at ringside by... I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.
Woman: That's because I haven't given it to you. I'm Renee DeLioncourt.
Eddie: Wait a minute! You're Jericho and Jarred's MOTHER!
Travis: Their MOTHER? But I thought she died in a hotel fire!
Renee: As usual, rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
((Even with the blood pouring down the side of his face, Kidd manages to get to his feet and head for the side of the cage. He climbs up and grabs B.D.'s leg. But he doesn't have the strength to do more than hang there like a dead weight. But it's enough... B.D. gets yanked off the side of the cage and hits the mat hard.))
Eddie: Well, be that as it may, welcome to ringside, Mrs. DeLioncourt.
Renee: Thank you. And you are...
Eddie: I'm Eddie Daniels and the lump on your other side is Travis Best.
Renee: Travis Best, eh?
((She reaches out and swats Travis upside the head as Eddie laughs and shakes his head. In the ring, B.D. is the first to his feet, but he seems distracted by something. He swivels around until he sees Renee sitting at ringside. His eyes widen and he grabs the cage to stare at her. Kidd gets up, very slowly, and heads for the cage. Staggering and stumbling, he begins the ascent, pausing to wipe the blood from his eyes so he can see. The rattling of the cage as Kidd climbs alerts B.D. to the fact that his prey is escaping. B.D. races up the side of the cage behind him, but can't seem to catch him. Kidd swings his leg over the top of the cage and pauses to take a breather.))
Eddie: He can't stop now...
Travis: No, he can't. If B.D. catches him...
Renee: If B.D. can stop that infernal giggling long enough to focus on the task at hand, he might have a chance!
((She's got a point... B.D. is giggling again! Kidd sees him and his foot lashes out. It connects solidly with his face and loosens his grip on the steel framework of the cage. Another kick and his fingers begin to let go. A third kick and B.D.'s hand falls free of the cage. B.D. falls backward, hitting the mat with a loud THUMP! And when you consider he was nearly at the top, that's a pretty long way to fall! Kidd's other leg swings around to hang outside the cage, but he doesn't make a move to climb or fall just yet.))
Eddie: Why doesn't he keep going?
Travis: I have no idea.
Renee: He's too weak. If he tries now, he risks re-injuring that ankle. He's trying to gather enough strength to make a safe climb down.
((B.D. gets back up again and starts pouting. But he starts climbing again... Kidd's still sitting there, trying to regain his bearings. Renee sheds her headset and races over to the cage with all the agility of a jungle cat after an antelope. Her hands close on the cage and streaks of light shoot up the wires to Kidd's location. But instead of electrocuting him, the light seems to be giving him strength! His head comes up and he sees Renee clinging to the mesh of the cage. Altering his trajectory, he climbs down about five feet away from her, stopping mid-way to let go and hit the ground lightly on both feet. The bell rings to signal the end of the match.))
Jean Fortello: Here is your winner... KIDD ROCK!
Eddie: I don't believe this... Jericho's mother just cost B.D. the match!
Travis: She did too! But she seems to be stuck on the mesh of the cage!
((Renee's trying to let go of the cage but she can't. She's stuck fast! But on what? B.D. becomes deathly serious and tries to help her by checking the inside of the cage. He can't seem to find any reason for her to be stuck... So he climbs out the door and goes to help her. The camera zooms in to get a close-up of her hands and catches something horrifying to the human ear... The sound of a woman screaming.))
Eddie: My God... Whatever's wrong, it's hurting her!
Travis: Is Jericho even here?? Because if he is, he'd better get down here FAST!
((No sooner said than done, Travis... A thick fog blankets the ringside area and obscures the cage from view. When the fog clears, Renee's lying limp in someone's arms, hands red and blistering. But it isn't Jericho who's holding her... It's...))
Eddie: THE CREEPER?!?
((The leader of the New Darkside shifts Renee so her head is on his shoulder and her hands are tucked carefully into her lap. He looks at B.D. and they walk up the ramp. Kidd looks at the cage where her hands were and sees something strange. He turns and shouts up the ramp, "IT'S BARBED!" The crowd gasps. Right where Renee grabbed is a thick metal barb, containing a soft red glow... The red glow of superheated metal.))
Travis: Holy shit, Eddie... Someone deliberately secured that barb to the cage right before the match started! It's still hot!
Eddie: *shaken* And that's where Renee put her hands...
Travis: Who would DO such a thing!?
Eddie: I don't know, Travis... I just don't know.
((Kidd's shout brings someone running past the people on the ramp. The Creeper looks over his shoulder and sees Jessie Blankenship tearing down to ringside!))
Eddie: LOOK! IT'S JESSIE! IT'S JESSIE!
Travis: Peter Blankenship's daughter is back and the fans couldn't be happier!
((The fans' cheering goes largely unheard as she prods the metal the barb is attached to. Kidd shakes his head with his hands on his hips. He doesn't get it. Neither does Jessie, apparently. She scowls, then waves to someone backstage. The Creeper and B.D. are walking back to their locker room, B.D. strangely lucid for once.))
B.D.: I'm sorry. This is my fault.
Creeper: It was no more your fault than it was Kidd's. Someone sabotaged that particular area of the cage in an attempt to harm you or Kidd. Rasheva just happened to be the one who found it, that's all. But when I find out who did it...
B.D.: Can I have their eyes?
Creeper: Yes, B.D. You can have their eyes.
B.D.: Yay!
((Security personnel come running to ringside, one of them carrying a pair of bolt cutters. Cherisse Novak herself is there to personally supervise the removal of the altered metal. Kidd's standing there shaking his head and cursing to himself. Jessie circles around the cage and stops at the side Kidd had originally wanted to climb down. Her shout brings Cherisse running.))
Jessie: I found another one!
Kidd: There's one over here!
Cherisse: That's it. Take the whole damn cage down! I want to know who's responsible for this! And when I find out who it was, they're going to wish I'd dealt with them instead of Jericho and The Creeper!
Eddie: She's upset, Travis... And rightfully so. This is the first such incident to ever occur in the HWC.
Travis: And I hope the last. But wait a second... Isn't Jericho's mother's name Renee?
Eddie: It is, Travis. Why?
Travis: Because I could have sworn I heard The Creeper call her Rasheva!
((Backstage again, Jericho's talking to Jarred when The Creeper and B.D. come down the hall. Jericho's eyes widen when he sees his mother's hands, then he begins to curse, long and loud, in Creole.))
The Creeper: My thoughts exactly. Commissioner Novak is handling the investigation. Come, we must get her home immediately.
((The four of them walk away, preceding a quartet of men each holding a side of the cage. Sixteen men in all, bringing a tampered with steel cage in for a thorough examination. Cherisse and Jessie watch them, Kidd sighing and finding his dressing room.))
Cherisse: It's times like this that I wish your father was here.
Jessie: He is.
Cherisse: What? But I thought...
Jessie: I can't explain it. The doctors can't either. But after The Lurker was taken out the week before last, Dad started getting better. A few days ago, he woke up.
Cherisse: What are you trying to say, Jessie?
Jessie: Turn around.
((She's grinning broadly... And with good reason. Because standing directly behind Cherisse is the Assistant Commissioner of the HWC...))
Cherisse: PETER!
((The fans in the arena erupt in a tumult of cheers for the giant of a man who has a heart just as big as he is.))
Peter: What happened?
Jessie: Oh, Dad, someone sabotaged the cage and hurt Jericho's mother!
Peter: WHAT?!?
((Cherisse and Jessie take turns explaining what happened. As he listens, Peter's eyes get darker and darker. When they're finished, he slams his hand into the wall.))
Peter: When we find out who did this, there's going to be HELL TO PAY!
Eddie: He's right, folks... There is, quite literally, going to be hell to pay when we find out who was responsible for Renee DeLioncourt's injuries.
Travis: I hope the bastard responsible gets his just desserts! You don't DO that!
Eddie: Amen, Travis! But this is our last broadcast until Christmas Chaos, where we hope to have an update on the investigation and her condition. Until then, for Travis Best, I'm Eddie Daniels. Goodnight, everybody.
Travis: Unbelievable...
((The scene dies as the transmission fades. Copyright Hardcore Wrestling Corporation, 2003))