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((The blue HWC logo fades in the out as It's Going Down starts to play The Tiger is show riding in the parking lot on her bike then Ace nearly running over Creeper. The stage and HWC-Tron are show as blue pyro works go off, the new Slaughter logo flashes for a few moments before showing Obake dressed to fight walking to ring to Chloe standing in the ring holding the Women's title up. Then onto Bulldozer choke slaming Ace-Man then Blood Dragon coming out and throwing Lumberjack threw the stage logo. The Slaughter logo comes up and flashes again this time spinning and flipping. It changes to the Finest besting up Smalls and Draven in his office to Amy and Jeff beating on each other then kissing. It ends showing profiles of Seph and Soth, Amy, Rave and Enforcer. The Slaughter logo is showen one last time before fadeing out completely.))
(("Click Click Boom" hits and the members of Bad News make their way to the ring forgoing their usual entrace. Draven leads the charge followed by Ravin, Blood Dragon, Jeff Wylde, Amy Jensen and Celtic Hyena.))
Eddie: Bad News coming out here and they don't look happy!
Travis: Thank you Captian Obvious. I'm so glad you're here to tell us these things. Now if you don't mind I'm going to go back to drooling over Amy!
((Draven gets a mic and stands in the middle of thering as the song dies out.))
Draven: Now before we whip Tiger's ass tonight, there is the matter of the location of Pitbull. You see Tiger, we were gonna handle this internally, but frankly we're not fucking around anymore. Either you tell us where Pitbull is or we'll call in the cops and have your psycho ass arrested and tossed back in the loony bin! Or maybe they can get your old cell in prison back for you! This ain't a game anymore. Either you tell us where Pitbull is or we end your career one way or another! Either in this ring, or by getting you tossed back in one cell or another! And according to what I've heard, prison wasn't exactly the field day you thought it would be, was it? Well I know a few people and I can make sure this time around is even worse! So what's it gonna be Tiger? You have three choices. You can tell us where Pit is, Jeff and I can beat the shit out of you tonight and make you tell us, or we can send you back to either the loony bin or prison! Pick one. And pick one soon, because--
((Before Draven can continue his speech "King of my World" hits and Tiger steps out onto the stage.))
Eddie: And here comes Tiger to ruin everything.
Travis: You ain't kidding. I was enjoying watching Amy and Ravin in the ring.
((Jeff hears this and shoots a glance over his shoulder before turning his attention back to Tiger.))
Draven: What the fuck do you want, psycho kitty?
((Tiger steps out with a mic in her head, her arms streched out as if welcoming everything around her. She steps onto the stage as something starts to lower over the HWC-Tron. It turns out to be a cross with PitBull tied to it. He hangs there lifeless and appears to be beaten badly. Tiger chuckles and smiles looking at Bad News down below, she brings the mic to her lips.))
The Tiger: My friends..... is this what ya are looking for? Take a good look cause here before ya is another mark of Damage Inc. Devistation and Destruction. How long can ya go on to continue to ignore me? Maybe if ya paid a little attention the fate of poor PitBull wouldn't befall him.
((Draven and Jeff almost charge from the ring, but Amy, Blood, Celtic, and Ravin hold them back.))
Draven: What the fuck did you do to him?
Eddie: My God. Look at Pitbull! He looks like two miles of bad road!
The Tiger: What do ya think? I think it's a much needed improvement to his face. (steps forward) I warned ya. I'm yar downfall. PitBull was the first. I tore through Ravin just like I did her brother a year ago. But no one believed me. Well one by one I will go threw each and one of ya till only Celtic is left. My brother, the weak link in the bloodline. I leave ya for last letting ya witness me destroy yar friends. Then it will be yar downfall. Yar fate will be far more worse then those of yar friends.
Ravin: Tore through me? You got lucky kitty, but in case you've been too busy soaking your panties over what you did to Pit you may have missed the fact that you have to face my brother and Jeff tonight. The Enforcer may be gone, but Bad News is still the single most destructive force in the HWC, and last time I checked, the numbers game was in our advantage.
Jeff: As for us ignoring you. Last time I checked getting rid of your was our number one priority. It still is. And you do realize that you're gonna have to do more than just beat us up to get rid of us? This is a war Tiger, and in wars people get hurt...and people die. So you can try to tear through us, but we've got the numbers Tiger. We've beaten you down before and we can do it again.
The Tiger: That's okay, bring it on and everything ya got. I have stood here with others long ago. I am a Hardcore Tank! Known for destorying Tag Teams and Stables. If I was ya I would rethink my plan of attack.
Amy: She must think we're stupid. Are you forgetting that practically everyone in this ring has history with you? We all know what you're capable of and we all know exactly how you think.
Draven: What Amy's trying to say is our plan of attack is already planned out Tiger. But if you think we're dumb enough to let you in on it then you really are dumber than you look. Sure, you may have taken out PitBull, but I seriously doubt any one of us will go down that easy. Matter of fact I doubt we'll go down at all.
The Tiger: Then the stones are cast. And let me be the first to set off the shot heard round the world. (Tiger reaches into her pocket and pulls out a lighter. Holding it up she strikes the flame) Do you smell that? (Tiger laughs darkly as she moves the flame over to the end of the cross. The cross catches fire very quickly rushing up and over PitBull.)
((Bad News rush from the ring Jeff and Celtic pausing to pull fire extingushers from under the ring, but a Ravin waves her hand and seems to be talking to herself and from the rafters water cascades down over the cross extingushing the flames and soaking Pit and Tiger.))
Travis: What the hell is going on here? Where did that come from?
Eddie: Water from out of nowhere to put out that fire that Tiger just tried to use to ignite Pitbull.
Ravin: Didn't your mother ever teach you not to play with fire?
The Tiger: Yar mother ever teach ya not to play with wild animals. Tonight I will maintain my rep by taking out another Tag Team. (Tiger turns and walks off laughing)
((Bad News head up the ramp and get to work pulling Pit from the cross.))
Eddie: Folks while we get this situation straightened out we're gonna take a commercial break.
(Blood Dragon is sitting at a Wendy's with Zoe. He's eating one of the new Wendy's salads.)
Zoe: What'cha got?
Blood: A Wendy's salad.
Man at next table (laughing): The big bad wrestler is eating a salad? (Laughs harder.) What a wimp! Only wimps eat salad!
(Suddenly we see the man flying across the Wendy's screaming, followed by a thud as he lands on the floor. Cut back to Zoe brushing her hands off.)
Zoe: No one calls my husband a wimp except me!
Blood: Thanks hon...HEY!
Announcer: Now Wendy's has great salads with under 5 grams of fat. Come to Wendy's. It's better here.
((As Slaughter comesback from commercials, we find "King Nothing" playing, as Austin Pierremont stands in the ring, sporting a nice shiner.))
Austin: Last week, I came out here, and called New Orleans what it was. A giant pile of garbage. And, as a result, the Dylans- (The crowd cheers madly) -felt it necessary to come to the ring and assault me. Well, I can't do anything to Jericho or Jarred, because they're registered HWC talent, but I can do something to Daemon.
((The crowd boos loudly.))
Austin: Yes, I know Daemon's a common ruffian, and deserves only to be shot, but I'll do you one better. As of right now, Daemon DeLioncourt is banned from EVERY HWC arena FOREVER!
((The crowd's boos get louder. Suddenly, over the PA, "King of My World" plays, as Tiger walks out onto the rampway.))
Austin: What are you doing out here, Tiger? Don't like it when a second goes by that you're not on camera?
Tiger: Yer gonna piss off the wrong person, bub!
Austin: Tiger, go backstage before I do something you'll regret. (Tiger bolts down to the ring, stopping on the apron.)
Tiger: Yer not gonna ban Daemon from anythin'! If ya do, ya'll have more ta worry about than a lawsuit.
((Austin quickly realizes what Tiger's referring to, and, in response, slides out of the ring as Tiger enters the ring, faking one direction, then running the other way, bolting up the ramp, Tiger smiling sadistically as she gives chase.))
Travis: Well maybe now we can have the first match of the night now that the camera hog, The Tiger, is gone.
Standard Match
Lucien Merriuci vs "Sick" Rick James
Eddie: Well, ladies and gentlemen, now we have a match between Lucien Meriucci, fresh off a defeat at the hands of The Creeper, and a young man making his HWC debut, in “Sick” Rick James, a man who apparently thinks he’s head and shoulders above the rest of the athletes in the HWC.
Travis: I like him. He’s got a good attitude.
Eddie: Well, I think you’re the only one that thinks that.
Jean Fortello: The following match is set for one fall. Introducing first, from Prague, in the Czech Republic, weighing in at 275 lbs. . . LUCIEN MERIUCCI!!!
((The arena goes pitch black as "The Call of Ktulu starts. Lucien slowly methodically walks to the ring as the lights come up to a dim. Lucien stands on the outside piercing a hole through his opponent with his eyes. The lights return to normal as Lucien steps into the ring.))
Eddie: Lucien looking slightly angry at the fact that he has a match against a rookie.
Travis: Yeah, but the smart money’s on the rookie.
Jean Fortello: And his opponent, from Philiadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 212 lbs. . . “SICK” RICK JAMES!!!
((Andrew WK's "Party Hard" comes over the PA system, as the Sick one, Rick James makes his way through the curtain and sprints to the ring. He slides under the bottom rope, and into the center of the ring. He stares wild eyed at the crowd, then turns, getting floored by a clothesline from Lucien. Lucien hauls Rick to his feet, hitting a quick DDT, then dropping an elbow into Rick’s ribcage. Rick rolls out of the ring, then sliding back into the ring, the two men trading blows, a right from Lucien sending Rick staggering backward, Rick coming back with a spinning wheel kick, flooring Lucien, then hitting a standing moonsault, getting to his feet, and quickly hitting a standing frontflip senton.))
Eddie: The rookie has taken the lead, here.
Travis: I told you the smart money was on the rookie.
Eddie: That you did.
((Rick gets to his feet, Lucien right with him. Lucien grabs Rick, setting him up for a DDT, only to have Rick snap vertical, hitting an odd variation of a hurracanrana, sending Lucien nearly the length of the ring. Rick gets to his feet, vaulting onto the top turnbuckle nearest Lucien, his back to Lucien, watching Lucien from over his shoulder. As Lucien gets to his feet, Rick moonsaults backward, hitting Lucien with a backflip reverse DDT, then moving over, hooking Lucien’s leg. Lucien kicks out almost immediately, getting to his feet, flooring Rick with another powerful clothesline. Rick handsprings to his feet, spinning around, and catching Lucien with a back heel kick to the back of Lucien’s head, dropping Lucien facefirst to the mat, Rick runs up a turnbuckle, then jumping to the side, landing in a seated position on the top rope, then moonsaulting backward, landing on Lucien’s back.))
Eddie: Rick’s taking Lucien to his limits, possibly further.
Travis: Lucien’s still feeling the effects of his match last week.
((Lucien gets to his feet quickly, turning to Rick, quickly hitting Rick with a choke out suplex, then moving to the turnbuckle, taking a breath. Rick gets to his feet, Lucien moving forward, going for an Unmaking, only to have Rick reverse it into a hurracanrana. Rick immediately vaults to the top rope, jumping off of the turnbuckle, getting simply incredible airtime.))
Eddie: He calls this The Cure.
Travis: Told you!
Eddie: That you did.
((As Rick is airborne, however, Lucien gets to his feet, catching Rick from midair, holding him up for a moment.))
Eddie: Lucien just reversed it into an Unmaking!
Travis: NO!
Eddie: Lucien might win this match yet!
((As everyone begins to write off Rick, B.D. bolts to the ring, bloodstained chair in hand, sliding into the ring, swinging the chair at the rising Lucien, who responds by ducking, the chair flooring the referee with a sickening thud, B.D. mulekicking Lucien into the stomach, turning around fully, and flooring Lucien with a Chair Drive, busting Lucien open. B.D. then giggles maniacally, driving the chair, repeatedly, into Lucien’s ribs, the chair vertical.))
Eddie: B.D.’s going to kill Lucien, here!
Travis: Yeah, but, see? I was right! Smart money was on the rookie!
Eddie: Are you trying to say that you knew this was going to happen?
Travis: No, but nobody knows anything about B.D.
((Rick gets to his feet, behind B.D., tapping him on his shoulder. B.D. half turns, swinging the chair at Rick, Rick ducking around him, and waiting. As B.D. turns again, Rick hits a spinning wheel kick into the chair, sending the chair into B.D.’s face, then backing up, front dropkicking the chair as it came back from B.D.’s face. Both moves do little more than knock B.D. back a few feet. Rick jumps up, going for a high flipping dropkick, sending the chair into B.D.’s face again. This time, however, B.D.’s face is busted open. B.D.’s reaction, however, is surprising. From a man whose normal reaction to every stimulus is laughter, B.D.’s face instantly goes from the insane glimmer to something far more frightening. B.D.’s face simply falls placid. Rick gets to his feet, getting caught by a jab to his midsection from B.D.’s chair, the chair falling to the ground, B.D. hitting a Plague prefaced by B.D. pulling Rick into the air, driving Rick viciously into the chair, busting Rick open. B.D. smiles, insanity returning, picking up his chair, now bearing his two new ‘medals’. B.D. leaves the ring, giggling insanely, then disappearing.))
Eddie: . . . Sometimes, I wonder if the HWC wouldn’t be better served by having B.D. committed. He seems to find it important to collect what he refers to as ‘medals’, which, apparently, are bloodstains from every single athlete in the HWC.
Travis: Someone fire him! He just cost Rick the match!
Eddie: Technically, he hasn’t. Not yet, at least. Lucien is still not moving. It’s still anybody’s ballgame.
((Lucien begins moving, and, surprisingly, so does Rick, about 3 minutes later, Lucien getting to his feet, staggering backward, and falling into the ropes, Rick doing the same on the opposite side of the ring, both of them appearing disoriented from the vicious chairshots they both suffered. Both men move to the center of the ring, firing off right hands, the impact flooring both of them, Lucien happening to fall with his right arm over Rick. The referee slowly gets to his feet, shaking the cobwebs free, then making the count. 1. . . . . . 2. . . . . . .3!!!))
Eddie: Lucien won this match, with, you have to think, some help from B.D.
Travis: B.D. probably won’t like that fact.
Eddie: Nor will Lucien, when he comes to......... Ladies and gentlemen, as promised, we have an update on Peter Blankenship's condition. You may or may not know this, but last week, Peter, our Assistant Commissioner here in the HWC, was in a match against Air Raid, the leader of the striking jobbers. Air Raid was sent to the hospital after Peter F5'ed him from the top rope. But after that...
Travis: I've got it from here, Eddie. After that, the rest of the striking jobbers stormed into Peter's office and beat him half to death. He was taken to the hospital, but no word ever reached us about his condition. We now know the extent of his injuries... Live, via sattelite, we have Dr. Gerald Lacey in Buffalo, New York, from Peter's hospital room. Dr. Lacey?
((The HWC-Tron comes to life, showing an older black man standing beside Peter's bed. The fans gasp softly at the bandages and bruises all over the Assistant Commissioner's face and body.))
Dr. Lacey: Thank you, Travis. As you can see, I'm here in Peter's room. The injuries inflicted by The Cushion, The Lurker and Tank the Dwarf last week on Slaughter were indeed serious. But they were in no way life-threatening. Upon further inspection of the injuries inflicted by those three men, we found an undetected and unhealed lesion on the surface of his brain. He was unconscious for most of the week until this morning. I'm sorry, gentlemen, but at 9:54 AM today, Peter Blankenship fell into an irreversible coma. Whether it was caused by the beating he received, or the lesion on his brain, we may never know. At this point, the prognosis is uncertain. I'm sorry.
((The satellite feed cuts out, leaving everyone in the arena stunned into silence. Eddie and Travis look at each other, then the lights dim to half intensity. After a good three minutes, the lights come up.))
Eddie: Fans, this is a sad day for the HWC. Our hearts and prayers go out to Peter and his family, including his sisters Angela and Killian.
Travis: If you have any information about what that lesion could possibly be, please, don't hesitate to call the New York Hospital. They need all the help they can get to help him. I don't always see eye to eye with everything he's said and done, but nobody deserves his fate.
Eddie: Thank you, Travis... I couldn't have said it better myself. We'll be back after this. My God...
(Scene opens on a pay phone. A man walks up and picks up the reciver and dials zero.)
Voice: What the hell do you think you're doing?
(The man turns to see Kidd Rock walk up to him.)
Man: Making a collect call.
Kidd: By dialing zero? What the hell is wrong with you? Don't you know about 1-800-COLLECT?
Man: 1-800-COLLECT?
Kidd: Yeah. The easy way to make collect calls. Plus you'll save the people you call a buck or two. Just put 1-800 in front of collect.
Man: That's so easy, why didn't I think of that?
Kidd: Well, you'll remember for next time right?
Man: Sure.
Kidd: Cause if you don't I'll send them to your house.
(Kidd points and the man sees the entire HWC roster looking at him with their arms crossed and a few tapping their feet or pounding their fists into their hands.)
Announcer: 1-800-COLLECT. Use it and save a buck or two.
Standard Match
Sephiroth vs Jarred Dylan
Eddie: Ladies & gentleman, this next match promises to be a real barn-burner!
Travis: You ain't just whistlin' Dixie there! Jarred Dylan against Sephiroth du Lac could be a main event on any card!
((The lights go out as a beautiful choir sings in Latin. The screen shows Seph's Symbol (A cross inside an eternal Pentagram) as the voices begin to fade. Finally Lightning effects strike the stage area and blue pyro flames shoot up and the lights flicker on. "Whisper" by Evanescence begins to play as Seph and the Sabbat Pack walk to the ring.))
Jean Fortello: Ladies and gentleman, the following match is scheduled for one fall. First, on his way to the ring, accompanied by the Sabbat Pack...from the Du Lac Manor in New York, weighing in at 246 pounds, SEPHIROTH DU LAC!!!
Eddie: Sephiroth looks in as good a shape as ever!
Travis: Jarred's gonna have his hands full tonight!
((Seph enters the ring, and "Whisper" fades. Thick clouds of white fog billow out and engulf the top of the ramp, hiding everything from view. The music plays softly, getting louder and louder until you hear "Well, I won't be the one left behind... You can't be king of the world if you're slave to the grind. Tear down the rat-racial slime... You can't be king of the world if you're slave to the grind!" The fog dies down, revealing two figures: Jarred Dylan and Eric Taylor.))
Jean Fortello: His opponent, from accompanied by Eric Taylor...from New Orleans, Louisiana, weighing in at 225 pounds, he is one-half of the HWC tag team champions....JARRED DYLAN!!!
Eddie: The fans are going bonkers for Jarred!
Travis: They must be bonkers, if they think Jarred is just gonna walk through Sephiroth!
Eddie: Well, I certainly doubt that, but wine or lose, you can be sure that both men will give it their all!
((Jarred & Eric walk down the ramp, slapping hands with the fans. Jarred slides under the bottom rope, Eric taking a place outside the ring with his arms crossed. The music fades as referee Doug Richards calls for the bell to start the match. Both men begin by circling each other, then move together for the standard collar-and-elbow lockup. Seph, the stronger of the two, gains the advantage, and slips in behind Jarred for a hammer lock, but Jarred, being quicker, reverses, then rolls away, coming up on one knee. The crowd cheers a bit, and even Seph acknowledges Jarred's skill in escaping. The admiration doesn't last long, however, as Seph lunges and locks on a standing side headlock. Jarred starts to shove, but Seph uses the momentum to whip Jarred into the ropes. Jarred bounces, ducks a swipe from Seph, hits the opposite ropes, and hits a swinging neckbreaker! The crowd cheers!))
Eddie: Nice bit of wrestling by Jarred Dylan! He's showing why he's one-half of the tag team champs!
Travis: Tag team, shmag team! If he was half as good as you seem to think he is, he would have taken the World Title away from his brother a long time ago!
Eddie: Somehow, I don't think ability has anything to do with Jarred not challenging his brother! I'm sure he would, if he really wanted to!
((Seph, having rolled to the outside, gets back to his feet, but Jarred is on the run. He hops onto the turnbuckle, and as Seph turns, Jarred goes for the Long Arm of the law, but Seph sidesteps at literally the LAST SECOND, and Jarred EATS RAILING HARD, eliciting a HOLY SHIT chant from the fans!))
Travis: HOLY SHIT is right! Jarred just became one with the railing! Somebody get a spatula! *snickers*
Eddie: This is no laughing matter! Jarred may have broken some ribs, or even punctured a lung!
Travis: Looks like Seph doesn't care about that! He's moving in for the kill!
((The referee begins administering the 10-count as Seph lines up on the slowly moving Jarred. Jarred turns around, and Seph launches into a spear, but Jarred, taking a play from Seph, barely sidesteps, and now it's Seph who spears the railing! The crowd cheers again, as Jarred seems to be getting a second wind. Jarred grabs the stunned Seph and shoves him back into the ring, and follows him in. Seph, still groggy, pulls himself unsteadily to his feet, just as Jarred also gets to his. Seph lashes out with a desperation kick, which Jarred easily ducks, then launches one of his own, but Seph catches his foot. Which is just what Jarred wanted, so he can hit....)))
Eddie: WHAT A THUNDEROUS ENZIGURI! Seph has dropped like a sack of wet cement!
Travis: But it looks like Jarred might've tweaked a couple of those bruised ribs in the process!
Eddie: You may be right....but you can bet he won't give up just because of a little pain!
Travis: Not unless he wants Seph to hand him vital parts of his anatomy, he won't!
((Seph uses the ropes to pull himself back to his feet, as Jarred, also a bit shaky, climbs to the top rope. Seph gets fully to his feet, giving Jarred the opportunity to hit...))
Eddie: HEARTLAND SHIELD! Jarred is looking to finish this match here!
Travis: Seph is hardly moving after that! This could be an upset!
Eddie: Jarred hits the ropes......NOBODY HOME FOR THE ASAI MOONSAULT! Seph rolled with literally no room to spare! Jarred is writhing in pain as he clutches at his ribs!
Travis: And here comes Seph back, with murder in his eyes!
((Seph, indeed looking ready to kill, climbs back into the ring, and stands over the writhing Jarred. He reaches down, somewhat arrogantly, hauling Jarred to his feet. Seph starts to set Jarred up for the Shadowshpere, but Jarred suddenly seems to have recovered, because he quickly hooks Sept up and hits a DDT! Then, quick as a cat, he leaps to the top rope, and...))
Eddie: LONG ARM OF THE LAW!! LONG ARM OF THE LAW!!! Jarred covers...1...2...3!!! JARRED WINS!!!!!!
((The cans cheer riotously as "Slave to the Grind" hits on the PA, and Eric Taylor rolls in to celebrate the win with his friend.))
Jean Fortello: The winner of this match....JARRED DYLAN!!!
Travis: Dammit all, anyway!
Eddie: Let me guess...you bet on Seph!
Travis: Two grand worth! Dammit!
Eddie: Some people never learn!
(The Tiger is standing in front of a computer. She's typing away and then clicks on the mouse.)
Computer: AOL installation complete. Please press any key to continue.
(The Tiger hits a key.)
Computer: That's not the any key, try again stupid human.
Tiger: Stupid piece of shite! Screw you.
Computer: Screw you fleshy!
(She storms off. Jericho Dylan walks up.)
Jericho: Hmmm.
(He hits a key.)
Computer: Invalid input you moron. Try again.
(He hits another key.)
Computer: Nice try dunce. You suck.
Jericho: So do you.
(He walks off. Jeff Wylde comes by. He looks at the screen and hits a key.)
Computer: You're so stupid! That won't work.
Jeff: Blow me.
(He walks off. Kidd Rock, Beowulf, Harley Quinn and the Creeper all come by and the computer insults each of them in turn. Finally Autumn Lewis walks by.)
Autumn: What the...?
(She starts typing and clicks the mouse.)
Computer: Uninstalling AOL....*beep* Uninstall incomplete. Sorry sister, you're stuck with me! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Autumn (walking off): Alright! As soon as I find out who installed AOL on the company computer is fired!
Announcer: AOL, so difficult to use, no wonder everyone hates it. Please don't use AOL. Ever. Please. If you value your computer you'll avoid it like the plauge. AOL sucks.
(The AOL symbol comes up in a circle with a slash through it.)
Announcer: To hell with AOL!
Women's Title Match
Vivian(c) vs Harley Quinn
Eddie: You're in for a real treat, Travis... Coming up next, we have a Women's Title match between Vivian and Harley Quinn!
Travis: Woo-hoo! Hot women tearing each other apart!
Eddie: I thought you'd say that!
Jean Fortello: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the HWC Women's Championship! Introducing first, the challenger. From the Black Light Section of the Jersey Shore, being accompanied by the Mafioso... She is the Jersey Devil Diva... HARLEY QUINN!
((The lights go down as a single spotlight goes over the crowd and then rests at the back of the stage, as "Took It Like A Woman" begins to play. The HWC-Tron comes to life with scenes from Harley's matches, with the Mafioso, her gaining the World Title, and her sitting by herself in her office looking out the window over the water. Harley, and Johnny, Reno, and Rude walk out, and make their way down to the ring. Harley's face is stern, as are the guys as they make their way to the ring. Once they reach the ring, Johnny helps her in, and helps her out of her suit jacket and kisses her before hopping out. Harley stands in the middle of the ring, watching and waiting for her opponent to make their appearance.))
Jean Fortello: And her opponent... From the Compound... She is the reigning Women's Champion... VIVIAN!
((The driving intro to "Holy Wars. . . . The Punishment Due" by Megadeth cuts through the crowd, silencing them all as one. The lights dim, to flicker in a strobe light's haze. But there's no sign of Vivian! A small boy comes to ringside with a note and Vivian's belt. He hands them both to Jean Fortello, then waits outside the ring.))
Jean Fortello: Ladies and gentlemen, I've just been informed that due to a personal matter, Vivian is unable to be here tonight. Therefore, Harley Quinn is the winner by default. Harley, I know you were looking for a fight. I'm sorry.
((Harley takes the belt with a confused look on her face. Then she takes the microphone.))
Harley: This don't make sense! I saw her earlier... Vivian, where the hell are you?
((Silence. Then the HWC-tron comes to life, showing Vivian's dressing room. Her EMPTY AND TRASHED dressing room! The crowd begins to buzz in shock. Harley's face is a study in surprise. The boy, with white hair and piercing blue eyes, is staring at it in stunned silence. Then he says something nobody can hear except Harley.))
Simon: Someone's taken her!
Harley: Who the hell would want to kidnap Vivian?
Eddie: Oh, my God. Someone's kidnapped Vivian!
Travis: Look at the door to her dressing room! There's something pinned to it!
((Harley sees it and vacates the ring. Belt slung over her shoulder, she bolts backstage, Simon hot on her heels followed by the Mafioso. They get to the dressing room in time to see Jericho Dylan standing there. He's shaking his head when Simon touches his arm.))
Simon: A man in a cloak gave me the note and belt earlier and told me to take them to the ring when I heard Vivian's music.
Jericho: It wasn't your fault, Simon. But I doubt they were counting on Harley seeing her before the match.
Harley: Who would want to kidnap Vivian? It don't make sense!
Jericho: *grimly* On the contrary. It makes perfect sense.
((He reaches out and takes the note off the door. It's in a thick cream-colored envelope and has "The Creeper" written on it. He taps it against his palm, then sighs.))
Jericho: I'm sure when The Creeper reads this, he's going to be in a foul mood... Harley, did you see or hear anything that might be able to give anyone any hints?
Harley: I sure as hell didn't. This is totally whacked!
Jericho: Not whacked...
((He stops there and shakes his head before tugging at his ponytail. Then he beckons to Simon and walks down the hall toward The Creeper's locker room. Harley and the Mafioso watch him go, then shrug and walk off. Harley may not have earned it, but she has the women's title. Jericho and Simon go in to the dressing room and the door closes behind them.))
Eddie: Um... Fans, this is totally shocking. Someone has apparently kidnapped Vivian!
Travis: I wonder what that note said.
Eddie: I'm curious too, Travis.
((Suddenly, the door to the Creeper's dressing room flies open and he storms out into the hallway. Jericho and Simon stand there and watch him go, Jericho holding the note. He lifts it and reads it aloud.))
Jericho: "Retribution is a dish best served cold... But as with all things, there is an exception to this rule. An eye for an eye... A life for a life... A woman for a woman. Your time draws ever closer, my dear Creeper. I will have my revenge!"
Simon: Who would do such a thing?
Jericho: There's only one person who fits that criteria... And that's the Fallen One!
Simon: SEPHIROTH?!?
((The crowd is stunned. Why would Sephiroth du Lac do such a thing?))
Jericho: Yes. Sephiroth. He did it to get revenge for The Creeper taking Chloe last week.
Simon: This doesn't sound good...
Jericho: It's not. But which one of them is in greater danger, I can't tell.
Simon: Jericho?
Jericho: Yeah.
Simon: I'm scared...
Jericho: Me too, kid... Me too. I don't like the way this is going.
Eddie: We don't either, Jericho.
Travis: We'll be back after this... I am in shock.
Eddie: We're going to take a commercial break to compose ourselves here. Stay tuned.
((The camera flips on backstage where Austin ducks into his office, the door locking behind him. Multiple impacts are heard, followed by a HUGE crash, sounding like someone crashing through something wooden. A few moments pass.))
Eddie: What just happened?!
Travis: That moron probably fell through his damn desk.
((After a moment, Tiger walks out of the office, smiling broadly, stopping in the doorway, blowing a kiss into the room, then laughing callously, and running off, the camera moving around, zooming in on the wreckage of the room, the room itself obliterated, Austin lying unconscious in the remains of his desk.))
Eddie: Tiger just took out our VP, again!
Travis: For a VP, he sure does get his ass kicked an awful lot. You'd think he'd hire some bodyguards, or something.
(A man is walking down the street and he sees a massage parlor. He rubs his sore back and walks inside.)
Woman: Can I help you?
Man: My back is killing me!
Woman: Right this way.
(We cut to the man laying on a massage table facedown with a towel covering him from the waist down. A masseuse walks in showing a generous amount of clevage.)
Massesuse: Just relax, sir.
(The man sees her and smiles laying his head down. The man suddenly opens his eyes and groans as his back cracks. We see Draven Masters working over the man's back with pounding blows while the masseuse massages his shoulders. The camera gets a closeup of Draven grinning as he continues to work over the man's back, as we hear the man grunting and groaning and the sound of his back cracking. Finally we see Draven walk away and pull a Snicker's Cruncher bar out of his pocket. He takes a bite and grins.)
Announcer: There's no crunch more satisfying than that of a Snicker's Cruncher.
(Behind Draven the man comes walking out bent over and groaning in pain. The masseuse comes up and gives him a Snicker's Cruncher too. He takes a bite and grins as he walks off.)
Announcer: Snicker's Cruncher. A satisfying crunch.
Handiecap Match
Bad News vs The Tiger
Eddie: Well, after what we just saw from Tiger, I think she’ll be on a tear tonight.
Travis: She is getting a little more deranged every week, it seems like.
Eddie: And now, she has a handicap match.
Jean Fortello: The following match is set for one fall. Introducing first, from Sydney, Australia and Chicago, Illinois, weighing in at a combined weight of 570 lbs, being accompanied to the ring by Ravin Masters and Amy Jensen, the team of Jeff Wylde and Draven Masters, BAD NEWS V2.0!!!
((Saliva's "Click Click Boom" hits and a blast of pyro goes off Ravin and Amy walk out onto the stage and turn and wave out Draven and Jeff, the two walk out and pause at the edge of the stage and then focus on the ring and head towards it with a purpose. Before any of them near the ring, Tiger bolts from the backstage area, chair in hand, proceeding to crack Ravin and Amy upside the head with the chairs, dropping them off the sides of the rampway, Tiger catching Jeff as he turns with a jab to the stomach with the chair, then cracking Draven as well. Tiger turns, tossing Jeff the chair, then going for the Click Click Boom, only to have Jeff reach up, cracking Tiger in the head with the chair before the third punch.))
Eddie: Tiger’s already come out here with a chair!
Travis: Well, technically, it’s still legal.
Eddie: Yes, it is. The bell hasn’t rung yet.
((Jeff rears back, cracking Tiger again, each impact sending her staggering back a few feet, but not falling. Jeff finally gets Tiger to the top of the ramp, cracking her a good solid five times before Tiger falls backward, crashing through a number of tables of supplies. Jeff drops down, from the stage, chair in hand, rearing back, to crack Tiger in the head with it, before beginning to drag her to the ring. Tiger stands, picking Jeff up, charging with him over her shoulder, under the stage, then appearing on the other side, driving Jeff spine-first into a steel support pole. Tiger walks under the stage, a pipe appearing from the stage itself. Jeff walks away from the pole, toward the stage, only to have the pipe slam upward into Jeff’s crotch, ringing loudly, Jeff crumpling to the ground.))
Travis: OOOOW! I felt that from here! That made my stuff hurt!
Eddie: I bet it’s good to feel something there.
Travis: Shut up, Daniels!
((Ravin and Amy disappear under the stage, a cloud of CO2 appearing from under the stage as Ravin and Amy come out of the stage, clutching their faces, Tiger emerging from the stage area, bringing the fire extinguisher down onto the back of Ravin’s head, dropping her like a stone. Amy moves forward, catching Tiger with a dropkick to the back, Tiger staggering forward, then turning around, motioning for Amy to come at her. As Amy does so, however, Tiger uses the tubing of the fire extinguisher’s hose as a chokewire, beginning to choke out Amy. Amy grabs at the hose, Tiger tightening the hose. Amy begins going down, saved only by Draven locking Tiger in a sleeperhold, then pulling her back from Amy, lifting Tiger up, and dropping her, in the sleeper position, to the ground. Draven grabs the fire extinguisher, lifting it above his head, to bring it down on Tiger. Tiger responds by rolling over, crawling quickly between Draven’s legs, then turning slightly, and pants-ing Draven.))
Eddie and Travis(Both laughing): That is some definitely funny shit!
Travis: Since when do you curse, Daniels?
Eddie: When it’s funny like that.
((Tiger gets to a knee, catching Draven with a low blow, then shoving him into the guardrail keeping the fans contained, Draven hitting headfirst. Tiger smiles broadly, grabbing the fire extinguisher, smacking Draven with it, then moving to the ring, the bell finally ringing.))
Eddie: Tiger’s going to win this match by way of a countout!
Travis: That’s one way of doing it.
((As the referee nears 10, “King Nothing” plays, and Austin Pierremont appears on-stage, being held up by a number of backstage crew.))
Austin: Stop that count!
((The referee looks at Austin, pausing.))
Austin: Tiger, you attacked me, and, as I can’t do anything about it this week, I can damn sure do something about this. Now, since you decided to use underhanded tactics to take out your opponents for the night, I can’t, in good conscience, give them the victory, because that would mean they’d get a victory they didn’t technically earn. And since we can’t have a convicted felon win the match, I’m in a quandary. No, wait, I lied. I’m not. This match is thrown out. And next week, Tiger, you’ll find out exactly what can happen to certain ex-cons that piss off the boss.
((Austin leaves the stage, to the raucous boos of the crowd in attendance. Tiger bolts from the ring, running off in pursuit of the man that just robbed her of a victory. Once backstage, Tiger is tackled by a swarm of security guards, and hauled off, screaming, and attempting to get to Austin, to snap his neck. Several moments later, Jeff and Draven come walking backstage, Jeff clutching himself, Draven bleeding from the corners of his mouth. At seeing Austin, Draven, the only of the two men who is able to talk at the same pitch, speaks.))
Draven: YOU!
Austin: Now, now, boys. You can thank me later. I think you should have that looked at, Jeff.
Draven: Thank you?! Are you out of your mind?!
((Draven moves to stand only a few inches from Austin.))
Draven: The next time you’re thinking about coming to the ring and ruining my damn match, you pompous little ass, remember this.
((With that, Draven proceeds to pieface Austin into the brick wall, glancing at Jeff, then smiling.))
Draven: Oh yeah. Present from Jeff.
((Draven, pinning Austin to the wall, drills his knee into Austin’s crotch.))
Draven: Jackass.
((Draven walks off, followed by Jeff, being supported by Amy and Ravin.))
((The transmission dies and as the scene fades.Copyright 2003, Hardcore Wrestling Corp.))